People
167 The funniest jokes of all time
These aren’t just jokes, they’ve been dubbed The Funniest Jokes Ever and that’s exactly how it is. There are different types of jokes and mostly we come across jokes that are so boring and not funny at all, although they should make people laugh. If a joke doesn’t make people laugh, the purpose is obviously defeated. On the other hand, there are jokes that are quite funny, but these particular jokes featured in this list have been named the funniest jokes of all time, so you’re guaranteed a moment of serious laughter. Here is our list of the funniest jokes that we hope you will find interesting.
Funny Short Jokes – Short Funny Jokes
1. What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you? It’s nacho cheese.
2. What do you get when you put a candle in armor? A knight’s light.
3. Have you heard of corduroy pillows?! You make headlines!
4. Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff. Ba Dum Tish!
4. Two peanuts were walking down a dark alley, one was attacked.
5. What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
6. How to catch a unique rabbit? You’re on it.
7. How do you catch a tame rabbit? The “tame” way.
8. What did the green grape say to the purple grape? TO BREATHE!
9. Past, present and future walk into a bar. It was tense.
10. What does “ha ha thump” mean? A man laughing his head off.
12. What is brown and sticky? A stick!
13. How do you make a handkerchief dance? You put a little boogie in it.
14. Why did the policeman smell bad? He was on duty.
15. Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? FO DRIZZLE!
16. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom? Because it pees quietly.
17. Why did the Storm Trooper buy an iPhone? He couldn’t find the droid he was looking for.
18. Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine.
19. How does Jesus make tea? Hebrew it.
20. What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? Elephino!
21. What did the farmer say when he couldn’t find his tractor? “Where’s my tractor?!”
22. Did you hear about the duck arrested for trafficking? He sold “quacks”.
23. What did the little fish say when it swam against a wall? DAM!
24. Where does a sheep go for a haircut? To the baaaaa baaaaa shop!
25. What is a curious pepper doing? Call Jalapeno Shop!
26. What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft? A shallow miner.
27. Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his brother in the forest?
28. Who is there? “…” control freak. Okay, now you’re saying, “Control freak, who?”
30. What kind of bees make milk instead of honey? fools.
31. Horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Why the long face?”
32. What do you do with a dead chemist? you barium.
33. What is the difference between a woman with PMS and a Pitt Bull? – Lipstick!
34. What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A roaming Catholic.
35. How do you make holy water? They cook hell out of it.
36. What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt!
37. Why did the orange stop? Because it ran out of juice.
38. What is brown and sounds like a bell? dung!
39. What do you call a deer without eyes? No eye deer.
40. What’s the last thing on a bug’s mind when it hits the windshield? his butt.
41. I never make mistakes…I thought I did once; but I was wrong.
42. What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?… Ba-na-na-naaa!
43. Why are pirates so mean? I don’t know, they’re just arrrrrrrrr!
44. Why was Tigger looking in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh!
Hilarious knock knock jokes
45. Knock Knock Who’s there? Tunis! Tunis who? Tunis company, three people!
46. Knock Knock Who’s There? I ran! Iran who? Iran here to tell you that!
48. Knock Knock Who’s there? daisy daisy who? daisy me rollin, she hatin
49. Knock, knock! Who’s there? A Pile Up A Pile Up Who? Ewwwwww
50. Knock, knock! Who’s there? doctor doctor who? It’s a great TV show, isn’t it?
51. Knock on Knock on Who’s there Gorilla Gorilla, the gorilla is a hamburger to me
52. Knocking Knocking who’s there? Amish Amish Who? Awww how cute. I miss you too.
53. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Dewey! Dewey who? Do you have to use a condom?
54. Knocking Knocking who’s there? Ben-Hur Ben-Hur who? Ben Hur over and give it to her doggystyle!
55. Knocking Knocking who’s there? Justin Justin who? You’re Justin time to wipe my @$$!
56. Knock Knock Who’s there? Ice ! ice cream who? Ice cream if you don’t let me in!
57. Knock Knock Who’s there? Doris! Doris who? Doris has blocked, so I’m knocking!
58. Knock Knock. Who’s there? The guy who came second. The guy who finished second? Exactly.
59. Knock Knock! Who’s there? Yah! Yah who? Naaah bro, I prefer google.
60. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Busters! Buster who? Buster Cherry! is your daughter at home
61. Knock Knock Who’s there? Orange Orange who? Orange, will you open the door?
62. Knock Knock! Who’s there? Dwayne! Dwayne who? Dwayne the bathtub, I’m drowning.
64. Knock Knock. Who’s there? Butch, Jimmy and Joe. Butch, Jimmy and Joe Who? Put your arms around me, Jimmy a kiss, and let’s Joe.
65. Knock Knock Who’s there? urine urine who? URINEsecure doesn’t know what for
66. Knock Knock Who’s there? Service ! waiter who? Waiter, I’m reaching for you!
67. Knock Knock Who’s there? Old lady Old lady who? Wow, I didn’t know you could yodel.
68. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Dumbbell. dumbbell who? Dumbbell doesn’t work so I had to knock!
Hilarious jokes for adults
69. Q: Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab?
A: The scientists brainstormed!
70. Q: Why did Tony date a plum?
A: Because he couldn’t find a date!
71. Q: What is the difference between a school teacher and a train?
A: The teacher says spit out your gum and the train says “chew, chew, chew”.
72. Q: Why did Birdie go to the hospital?
A: To get a tweet.
73. Question: What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
A. Milk and Quakers!
74. Q: What did the leopard say after eating its owner?
A: Man, that was spot on.
75. Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof?
A: It doesn’t matter, it’s over your head!
A: Because he had no one to go with.
77. Q: How do crazy people walk through the forest?
A: You go the psychic path.
78. Q: What do you say when you lose a Wii game?
A: I want a Wii match!
79. Q: How do you make an octupus laugh?
A: With decrickles
80. Q: Why can’t your nose be 30 cm long?
A: Because then it would be a foot!
81. Q: How do you drown a hipster?
A: Mainstream.
82. Q: How do you make holy water?
A: Damn it!
83. Q: What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly?
A: It barked with light deprivation!
84. Q: What stays in the corner and travels around the world?
A: A postage stamp.
85. Q: What do you get from a spoiled cow?
A: Spoiled milk.
86. What do lawyers wear in court?
A: Complaints!
87. Q: What gets wetter as it dries?
A: A towel.
88. Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A: An investigator
89. Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
A: Every morning you will get up and shine!
90. Q: “What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?”
A: “You can’t catch tuna.”
A: Cell phones.
92. Q: Where do snowmen keep their money?
A: In snow banks.
93. Q: What washes up on very small beaches?
A: Microwaves!
94. Q: Why couldn’t the pirates play cards?
A: Because he was sitting on the deck!
95. Q: Why did the traffic light turn red?
A: So would you if you had to move down the street!
96. Q: What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
A: I think I’ll come down with something!
97. Q: What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa?
A: A claustrophobic
98. Q: What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?
A: Ouch
99. Q: Why was the guy looking for fast food at his friend’s?
A: Because his friend said dinner is on me.
100. Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite.
Hilarious one liner jokes
101. A day without sunshine is like a night.
102. Born free, taxed to death.
103. For sale: parachute. Only used once, never opened.
104. Because these men already have friends.
105. What is the difference between a paycheck and a pen? You don’t have to ask your wife to pay your paycheck.
107. Why did the bee get married? Because he found his treasure.
108. What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.
109. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
110. A computer once beat me at chess, but it wasn’t a problem for me at kickboxing.
111. How do you get a cute 80 year old woman to say the F-word?
112. Make another cute little 80 year old lady scream *BINGO*!
113. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math.
114. If you don’t succeed at first, destroy all the evidence you tried.
115. Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.
116. You can’t taste me until you undress me – banana
117. You can’t eat me unless you lick me – ice cream
118. You can’t play with me if you don’t blow me – balloon
Funny Yo Mama Jokes
119. Your moms like a bowling ball, it gets fingered in the gutter and still comes back for more!
120. Yo Mama, so dumb she stumbled across a WIRELESS network!
121. Your mom is so ugly that even Scooby Doo couldn’t solve this riddle.
122. Yo Mamas like humpty dumpty she gets a hump first and then a hump
123. Yo Mama is like a hockey player, she only showers after three hours.
124. Your mom is like the Pillsbury dough boy… everyone nudges her.
125. Your mom is so fat that she sued Xbox 360 for guessing her weight
126. Yo Mama so ugly even said hello kitty goodbye.
127. Your mom is so fat she has more chin than a Hong Kong phone book
128. Your mom is so fat that she does the Harlemshake every time she goes for a walk
129. Your mother was so old that she knew Burger King when he was a prince.
130. Your mom’s mouth is so big that she speaks in surround sound.
131. Yo Mama So fat she has mass whether the Higgs boson exists or not.
132. Your mom is so poor she set up a gmail account so she can eat spam
133. Yo Mama is poor when I sat on a skateboard she said
134. Yo Mama so stupid her teacher told her to get out a pen and paper and she took out a hen and raped her.
135. Yo Mama so nasty she looks like an ogre and smells like a cat in boots
136. Yo Momma, so fat, I bumped into her and said, “Sorry, my mistake.” And she said, “Did you just say steak?!”
137. Yo Mama so ugly she had to trick or treat on the phone
138. Your mom is so fat she needs cheat codes for Wii Fit.
139. Your mom is so fat that she has two clocks for every time zone she is in.
140. Yo Mama is so dirty, the roaches wrote her an eviction notice.
141. Your mom was so fat that she sat on an iPad and turned it into a flat screen TV
142. Your mom is so fat she sat at Walmart and lowered the prices
Funny clean jokes
143. Q: What did Bacon say to Tomato?
A: Lettuce come together!
144. Q: What do you call a computer that sings?
A: A Dell
145. Q: If Mississippi Virginia bought a New Jersey, what would Delaware buy?
A: Idaho…Alaska!
146. Q: Have you heard about this new broom?
A: It’s sweeping the nation!
147. Q: “What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?”
A: “You can’t catch tuna.”
148. Q: What do you call a little monkey?
A: A chimp from the old block.
149. Q: Have you heard about the shampoo shortage in Jamaica?
A: It’s terribly crowded.
150. Q: How do you make a handkerchief dance?
A: Put some boogey in it!
151. Q: What is hard forward but not backward?
A: ton.
152. Q: What is a curious pepper doing?
A: Receive the Jalapeno Business!
153. Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An impasta
154. Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A: An investigator
155. Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
A: Every morning you will get up and shine!
156. Q: What do lawyers wear in court?
A: Complaints!
157. Q: What gets wetter as it dries?
A: A towel.
158. Q: Why was the belt arrested?
A: He was holding up a pair of pants.
159. Q: What do you call a fat psychic?
A: A four-counter.
160. Q: Have you heard of the lettuce versus tomato race?
A: The lettuce was a “head” and the tomato tried “ketchup”!
161. Q: Have you heard about the hungry clock?
A: It went back four seconds.
162. Q: What do you name a boy who finally faced the bullies?
A: An ambulance.
163. Q: What do you get from a spoiled cow?
A: Spoiled milk.
164. Q: What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter?
A: A dis-elephant.
165. Q: What do you call a computer that swims in the ocean?
A: A Dell rolling in deep.
166. Q: What do you call a gangsta snowman?
A: Frozen-T
167. Q: What did the femur say to the patella?
A: I kneeled you.
Recommended readings:
150 cute brother and sister quotes
240+ cute nicknames for boyfriends and men in general
10 funny memes and jokes about snow in kenya
70 funny chemistry jokes to make your day
