People
160 Best Funny Short Jokes
I love good jokes, everyone does. How do we know good jokes? People keep saying it, we share it with our friends, good jokes make you laugh, mostly uncontrollably. That’s exactly the kind of jokes we have for you. Dirty, clean and short jokes that will get you excited. Some may sound silly and lame, but you’ll find the humor you need in them. Here we go.
Short funny jokes Hilarious short jokes
1. Two peanuts were walking down a dark alley, one was attacked.
2. What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
3. How to make holy water? They cook hell out of it.
4. What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt!
5. Why did the orange stop? Because it ran out of juice.
6. What is brown and sounds like a bell? dung!
7. Knock knock. Who’s there? interrupt cow. Interrupting Cow who- MOOOOOOO!
8. Why did the Storm Trooper buy an iPhone? He couldn’t find the droid he was looking for.
9. Knock knock…who’s there? I eat mop. I eat mop who? Ooooo disgusting! (Now you get the former one?)
10. Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine.
11. How many Alzheimer’s patients does it take to change a lightbulb?… .. To get to the other side!
12. What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef Stroganoff.
13. What do you have when you have two little green balls in the palm of your hand? Answer: Kermit’s undivided attention!
15. How do you make a handkerchief dance? You put a little boogie in it.
16. Why did the policeman smell bad? He was on duty.
17. Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? FOR DRIZZLE!
18. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom? Because it pees quietly.
19. What did the Zen Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? make me one with everything
20. What kind of bees make milk instead of honey? fools.
21. What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? Elephino!
22. What did the farmer say when he couldn’t find his tractor? “Where’s my tractor?!”
23. Did you hear about the duck arrested for stealing? He sold “quacks”.
24. What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
25. How to catch a unique rabbit? You’re on it.
26. What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic and a dyslexic? Someone who lies awake at night wondering if there really is a dog.
27. I dated a dyslexic woman. I took her home and she cooked my sock.
28. What did one tampon say to another tampon? Nothing! They were both stuck bitches.
29. A legged doe comes out of the woods. Says, “This is the last time I do this for ten bucks.”
30. What do you call a deer without eyes? No eye deer.
32. Knock knock – who’s there? dwayne Dwayne who? Dwayne the tub, I amaze!
33. Past, present and future walk into a bar. It was tense.
34. Why did Tiger look in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh!
35. What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft? A flat mine
Best Short Jokes-Good Short Jokes-Short Clean Jokes
36. Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his brother in the forest?
37. Who is there? “…” control freak. Okay, now you’re saying, “Control freak, who?”
38. A pirate enters a bar with a ship’s steering wheel hanging from the crotch. Bartender says what the heck is that? Pirate says I don’t know but it’s driving me crazy!
39. What is the difference between a straight and a bisexual woman? 4 drinks.
40. How do you make a hormone? Don’t pay her!
41. What is the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair.
42. I used to dabble in sadism, necrophilia and bestiality, but I realized I was just beating a dead horse.
43. Confucius says if a naked man walks sideways through the door, he goes to Bangkok.
44. Why did the walrus go to the Tupperware party? He was looking for a tight seal!
45. Horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Why the long face?”
47. I never make mistakes…I thought I did once; but I was wrong.
48. What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?… Ba-na-na-naaa!
49. How do you catch a tame rabbit? The “tame” way.
50. What did the green grape say to the purple grape? TO BREATHE!
51. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hippa. Hippa who? I’m sorry I can’t tell you.
52. What do men and tiles have in common? If you get them right the first time, you can walk over them for the rest of your life!
53. How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two…. but I don’t know how they got in there.
54. Why did the blonde have a sore belly button? Because there are blonde men too!
55. Where does a bee hold its stinger? In his darling!
56. Why did the traffic light turn red ??? You would too if you had to change in the middle if the road!
57. Bacon and Eggs walk into a bar and order a beer, the bartender regrets we don’t serve breakfast.
58. What do you do with a dead chemist? you barium.
59. What is the difference between a woman with PMS and a Pitt Bull? – Lipstick!
60. If you are American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom? European!
61. A liberal, a moderate, and a conservative walk into a bar. Bartender says, “Hey Mitt! What do you have? “
63. What does “ha ha thump” mean? A man laughing his head off.
64. What did the grape say when he was pinched? Nothing, he gave some wine.
65. What is brown and sticky? A stick!
Short people jokes
66. Q: Why don’t dwarves need a pin board to play handball?
A: You only use the curb!
67. Q: Why are gay midgets so attractive?
A: You can suck cock standing up!
68. Q: How do you piss off a midget?
A: Give him a yo-yo.
69. Q: What did the dwarf say when I asked him for a dollar?
A: “Sorry, I’m a bit short”
70. Q: Why do dwarfs always laugh when they play soccer?
A: The grass tickles their balls!
71. Q: What do you get when you cross a gay midget with Dracula?
A: Cocksuckers!
72. Q: What do you call a Mexican midget?
A: A paragraph is too short to be an essay.
73. Q: Why are most dwarves good guys?
A: Because they don’t look down on people.
74. Q: What does a miniature model do?
A: Pose for trophies!
75. Q: What do you call a chubby midget?
A: Low fat.
A: No, no, no, I wanted shrimp for dinner!
77. Q: Did you hear about the midget who overdosed on Viagra?
A: He’s a bit stiff now!
78. Q: What is the difference between a clever short stature and an STD?
A: One is a cunning cheek and the other is a running cheek.
79. Q: When do you kick a midget in the balls?
A: When he stands next to your missy and says her hair smells nice
80. Q: What do you call a dwarf with three legs?
A: Awesome.
81. Q: Why not hire a small chef?
A: The steaks are too high.
82. Q: What do you get when you cross a midget with a prostitute?
A: A little prick about so big.
83. Q: What bench do dwarves use?
A: The piggy bank!
84. Q: Why can’t midgets wear tampons?
A: Because they keep stepping on the string!
85. Q: What do you call a poor dwarf?
A: Shortly changed
Short jokes for adults
86. Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.
87. Q: Why do men get their great ideas in bed?
A: Because they are tied into a genius!
A: A Lickalotopis
89. When do you kick a midget in the balls?
A. When he stands next to your lady and says her hair smells nice
90. Q: How does a nun get pregnant?
A: Dress her up as an old boy.
91. Q: Have you heard about the guy who ran in front of the bus?
A: He got tired
92. Q: What has two legs and bleeding?
A: Half a dog!
93. Q: What do you call an Afghan virgin?
A: Never hung up on me
94. Q: What does it mean when a man in your bed gasps and calls your name?
A: You didn’t press the pillow long enough.
95. Q: What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?
A: A quarter ponder with cheese.
96. Q: How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
A: By becoming a ventriloquist!
97. What do priests and Mcdonalds have in common?
A: Both put their meat in 10 year old buns
98. Q: Why is Santa Claus so funny?
A: Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
99. Q: Why did God give men penises?
A: So you would have at least one way to silence a woman.
100. Q: What’s the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A: A hooker can wash and resell her crack.
Short blonde jokes
101. Q: Why did the blonde only smell good on the right side?
A: He didn’t know where to buy Left Guard!
102. Q: Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail she was hammering?
A: The sound gave her a headache
103. Q: Did you hear about the blonde who bathed his cat?
A: He still hasn’t gotten all the hair off his tongue.
104. Q: Did you hear about the blonde who thought he had a twin brother?
A: He didn’t know he was looking in a mirror.
105. Q: Why can’t blondes take coffee breaks?
A: They are too difficult to train.
106. Why does a blonde smile in a thunderstorm?
A. They think they’re going to have their picture taken.
107. Q: What did the mom say to her blonde daughter before a date?
A: If you’re not in bed by 12, come home.
108. Q: How many blondes does it take to do a lap?
A: Two: one standing in the bathtub and one handing him the hair dryer!
109. Q: What happened to the blonde hockey team?
A: They drowned in spring training.
110. Q: How can you tell which tricycle goes with the blonde?
A: It’s the one with the stand.
111. Q: What do you call an all-blonde skydiving team?
A: A new version of the lawn dart game.
112. Q: Have you heard of the blonde who couldn’t wait to see 20,000 miles underwater?
A: He said he loved baseball and was surprised there were so many teams.
113. Q: Why was the blonde standing in front of a mirror with his eyes closed?
A: He wanted to see what he looks like when he sleeps.
114. Q: Why did the blonde quit his job as a toilet attendant?
A: He couldn’t figure out how to refill the hand dryer.
115. Q: What do you call blonde twins who do bubble gum commercials?
A: Doubly stupid
116. Q: How do you know if a blonde is a good cook?
A: She pulls the pop tart out of the toaster in one piece.
117. Q: What do you call a blonde in college?
A: A visitor.
118. How do you recognize a blonde at a car wash?
A: He’s the one on his bike.
119. Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using your lawnmower?
A: The green WELCOME mat is completely torn into pieces.
120. Q: Why did the blonde bring his new scarf back to the store?
A: It was too tight.
Short stupid jokes – short stupid jokes
121. Q: Why did the stadium get hot after the game?
A: All fans left
122. Q: What did the duck say to the bartender?
A: Put it on my bill
123. Q: What do you call a group of disorganized cats?
A: A Cat Astrophe
124. Q: Why did the frog take the bus to work?
A: His car has toad.
125. Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A: Because the chicken joke hasn’t been invented yet.
126. Q: Why couldn’t Dracula’s wife fall asleep?
A: Because of his coffin.
127. Q: What did the rubber band factory worker say when he lost his job?
A: Oh snap!
128. Q: What did the horse say when it fell?
A: Help, I fell and I can’t get dizzy!
129. Q: What happens when the smog rises over Los Angeles?
A: UCLA
130. Q: Which US state has the smallest soft drinks?
A: Mini soda
131. Q: What did the Ox say to his son when he went to college?
A: Bison
132. Q: How do most frogs die?
A: You commit suicide!
133. Q: Why were the elephants thrown out of the public pool?
A: They dropped their suitcases.
134. Q: What is the most musical part of a chicken?
A: The drumstick
135. Q: Why did Johnny throw the clock out the window?
A: Because he wanted to see time fly!
136. Q: Why was the strawberry baby crying?
A: Because his mother and father were in a jam.
137. Q: What do lawyers wear in court?
A: Complaints!
138. Q: Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
A: He wanted hard cash!
139. Q: What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you?
A: Nacho cheese
140. Q: What is easy to achieve but difficult to achieve?
A problem
141. Q: What do you call two fat people talking?
A: A heated discussion
142. Q: Which dog keeps the best time?
A: A watchdog
143. Why does a moon rock taste better than an earth rock?
A: Because it’s a small meteor
144. Q: Why does Peter Pan always fly?
A: It never lands!
145. Q: Why did the picture go to jail?
A: Because it was framed!
146. Q: How do you impress a baker when you take his daughter out on a date?
A: Bring her flour.
147. Q: Why did the yogurt go to the art show?
A: Because it was cultivated.
148. Q: What do you call a fat psychic?
A: A four-counter
149. Q: What is the difference between a dressmaker and a farmer?
A: A seamstress sews what she gathers, a farmer gathers what he sows.
150. Q: What do you give a sick lemon?
A: Lemon help!
151. Q: What are cans called in Mexico?
A: Mexi cans
152. Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite
153. Q: What do you call an apology in dots and dashes?
A: Regret code.
154. Q: Why couldn’t the bike stand alone?
A: It was two tired!
155. Q: What is an astronaut’s favorite spot on a computer?
A: The spacebar!
156. Q: What month do soldiers hate the most?
A: The month of March!
157. Q: What is running but stuck?
A: A refrigerator
159. Q: What do you call a man who never farts in public?
A: A private tutor
160. Q: Why did the hipster burn his tongue eating his pizza?
A: He ate it before it was cool!
