People
150 funny jokes and riddles
Enjoy a collection of our jokes and some funny riddles as well and we are ready to bring you lots of funny jokes that will make you laugh your sorrows and brighten your day. Get tickled again with these funny jokes and riddles you’ve never heard before.
Children jokes and riddles
1. What did the tree say to the lightbulb? “Hey! Just had a good idea! “
2. What does the invisible man drink between meals? condensed milk.
3. What is a ghost’s favorite fruit? BOOberries.
4. Why was Dracula put in prison? He tried to rob a blood bank.
5. What is the most popular shoe type at a gas station?
6. Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9!
7. What kind of place should you never take a dog? To the flea market.
8. What do you call a cow during an earthquake? A milkshake!
9. What is black and white and read everywhere? A newspaper.
10. Where do cows stay on vacation? MOO-tels!
11. Why did the millionaire refuse to move to Alaska? He didn’t want to freeze his fortune.
12. What does a frog eat with his hamburger? French flies!
13. What is a snake’s favorite subject? His story!
14. What has four legs, a tail, whiskers, and cuts grass? A lawnmower!
15. Which country is the most slippery? Greece!
16. Why did the pencil cross the street first? He was the LEADER!
17. There was a greenhouse. In the greenhouse was a white house. Inside the white house was a red house. There were many babies in the red house. What is that? A watermelon!
19. If you say it, break it. What is it? Be silent.
20. What does an orange do when it takes a test? It focuses!
21. Big in the morning, short at noon, gone in the evening, but I’ll be back soon. What am I? A shadow!
22. Why couldn’t the shipmates play cards? The captain was sitting on the deck!
23. What should you do if you see a green alien? Wait for it to ripen!
24. Why did the duck cross the road? Because it thought it was a chicken.
25. Why did the turkey cross the road? Because Thanksgiving was right around the corner.
26. Why did the baker go to prison? Because he got caught beating the balls.
27. Why did the crab cross the road? To get to the other the tide.
28. I have 7 children, half of whom are boys. what is the other half They were all boys.
29. Where do pirates like to eat? ARR Bys!
30. What kind of flower lives between your mouth and your chin? two lips
31. Why is a giraffe’s neck so long? Because her feet stink.
32. What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A creamy Quacker!
33. What is red and squishy and found between shark teeth? slow swimmers.
34. What has 6 eyes but cannot see? Three blind mice.
35. Why do sharks only swim in salt water? Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
36. Who does Frankenstein invite to his party? Anyone he can devour!
37. What is a forest without trees, lakes without water, roads without cars and deserts without sand? A map!
39. Which fish can help you build a house? A hammerhead shark.
40. Why don’t ducks tell jokes when they fly? Because they could just croak.
41. What did the cannibal say after eating a clown? “That tasted weird!”
42. How can the letter A help a deaf woman? It can make them hear.
Good jokes and riddles
43. What travels the world but stays in one place? A stamp!
44. What happens once in a minute, twice in a moment, and never in a thousand years? The letter M
45. What has 4 eyes but cannot see? Mississippi
46. If I have it, I don’t share it. If I share it, I don’t have it. What is that? A secret.
47. Take away my first letter and I still sound the same. Take away my last letter, I still sound the same. Even if I take my letter away in the middle, I still sound like that. I am a five letter word. What am I?
48. What has hands but can’t clap? A clock
49. What can you catch but not throw? A cold.
50. A house has 4 walls. All walls face south and a bear circles the house. What color is the bear?
51. The house is at the North Pole, so the bear is white.
52. What is at the end of a rainbow? The letter W!
53. What is light as a feather, but even the strongest man in the world couldn’t hold it for more than a minute? His breath!
54. You draw a line. How can you extend the line without touching it? You draw a shorter line next to it, and it becomes the longer line.
55. What has an eye but cannot see? A needle
57. Which weighs more, a pound of feathers or a pound of bricks? Neither do they both weigh a pound!
58. How many months are in 28 days? Every 12 months!
59. What goes up when it rains? An umbrella!
60. What is the longest word in the dictionary? Smiles because there is a mile between each word.
61. If I drink, I die. When I eat, I’m fine. What am I? A fire!
62. Which word gets shorter if you add two letters?
Halloween jokes and riddles
63. Q: How to fix a broken jack-o-lantern?
A: With an orange pumpkin patch!
64. Q: How do you know your doctor is a vampire?
A: He draws your blood from your neck with a straw!
65. Q: What do blondes and Jack-O-Lanterns have in common?
A: Both have blank smiling faces and are hollow inside!
A: Boo ties!
67. Q: Who is Dracula’s superheroine?
A: Bat Ghoul!
68. Q: Why did Dracula have to go to prison?
A: Because he robbed the blood bank!
69. Q: Why couldn’t Mom answer the phone?
A: Because they were all wrapped up!
70. Q: Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
A: Because he didn’t have courage!
71. Q: How can you tell if a vampire has a terrible cold?
A: At his deep noisy coffin!
72. Q: What is the part of a restaurant where vampires don’t feed?
A: The non-sucker section!
73. Q: What did the mommy ghost say to the baby ghost?
A: Don’t haunt until you haunt too!
74. Q: What kind of clothes do the coolest zombies wear?
A: Decay NY!
75. Q: How do vampires get around?
A: In their bloody cell phones!
76. Q: How many witches does it take to change an LED lightbulb?
A: Depends on what you want to change it to!!
77.Q: When does a creepy skeleton laugh?
A: When something tickles his funny bone!
78. Q: What is the most popular mummies dance music?
A wrap!!!!!
79. Why aren’t there more famous skeletons?
A: They’re a bodiless bunch!
80. Q: What do little trees say on Halloween?
A: Twig or treat!
A: A know-it-all, that really is a pain in the neck!
82. Q: Where did the busy spirit buy his stamps?
A: By the creepy mail!
83. Q: What did one old hag say to another when she asked for a ride?
A: There are always brooms for one more!
84. Q: What streets do young ghosts hunt?
A: DEAD ENDS!
85. Why are black cats such good singers?
A: You are very meeewsical!
86. Q: Where do busy spirits go on vacation?
A: The spooky channel!
87. Q: What did the witch child want for Christmas?
A: A haunted house!
88. Q: What is an evil monster’s favorite food?
A: Ghoul Scout Cookies!
89. Q: What do little ghost children eat for dinner?
A: Spookgetti!
90. Q: Who did the spooky ghost invite to his party?
A: Any old friend he could dig up!
A: Do you think we were once human?
92. Q: How do ugly witches tell the time?
A: With a witch watch!
93. Q: What is the best way to talk to Count Dracula?
A: By bat phone!
94. Q: What did the skeleton say when his brother told a lie?
A: You can’t fool me, I can see right through you!
95. Q: What does a ghost swim in?
A: DEAD seawater!
96. Q: What does a ghost put on her breakfast cereal in the morning?
A: Some boonanas and booberries!
97. Q: What is a vampire’s favorite festival of the year?
A: Fangsgiving Day Dinner!
98. Q: When do witches like to cook their victims?
A: On fry day!
99. Q: What is the difference between a Mama and an Indian?
A: An Indian lives in a teepee and a mummy is the walking dead!
100. Q: Why wouldn’t you try hugging a spooky ghost?
A: Because you only get a few handfuls of sheets!
101. Q: What did the full moon vampire say to the other full moon vampire?
A: See you next month!
102. Q: What do you call two witches living together?
A: Broom friends!
103. What does a witch ask for when staying in a hotel?
A: Fast broom service!
104. Q: Why didn’t the skeleton dance at the Halloween party?
A: It didn’t have a body to dance to!
105. Q: What does a cute baby bat say before bed?
A: Turn on the dark! I’m afraid of the light!
A: NO, they eat some poor guy’s fingers separately!
107. Q: How do you agitate a blood sucking vampire?
A: Go to his house and install a large skylight!
108. Q: Why do witches have to wear name tags?
A: So they would know which witch is which!
109. Q: What is the tallest building in Transylvania?
A: The Vampire State Building!
110. What do you do with a very green monster?
A: Wait until it’s ripe!
Jokes and riddles for adults
111. Q: How high is the incidence?
A. Have an orgasm and call out your own name.
112. Question: What is the definition of macho?
A. Jog home from your vasectomy.
113. Q: What is the difference between purple and pink?
A. The handle.
114. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It’s not difficult.
115. Why is a divorce so expensive?
A. Because it’s worth it!
116. What is a Yankee?
A. Same as a quickie, but one guy can do it alone.
117. Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.
118. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A.. They don’t have balls to scratch!
119. Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.
120. Q. What is the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually be looking for a golf ball
A: 45 minutes.
122. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don’t have eyes.
123. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash and resell her crack.
124. Q. What is a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law pull off a cliff in your new car.
125. Q: What is the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 pounds.
126. Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A. The Swallow.
127. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X on the backs of the sheep that kick!
128. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.
129. What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?
A. Your balls are for decoration only.
130.What is the difference between “ooooooh” and “aaaaaaah”?
A. Over three inches.
Christmas jokes and riddles
131. Q: What do you call Santa Claus when he stops?
A: Christmas break!
132. Q: Where does a snowman keep his money?
A: In a snow bank.
133. Q: Who gives gifts to baby sharks?
A: Santa Jaws.
134. Q: What do elves study in school?
A: The elf gifted.
135. Q: Where does mistletoe go to become famous?
A: “Holly” Wood!
136. Q: Why do mummies like Christmas so much?
A: Because of all the packaging!
137. Q: Name the child’s favorite Christmas King?
A: A stocking.
138. Q: Why can’t the Christmas tree stand up?
A: It has no legs.
139. Q: Why does Santa Claus have three gardens?
A: So he can go HOE HOE HOE.
140. Q: What do you get when you fry Santa?
A: Crunchy kringle.
141. Q: How do you know when Santa will be in the room?
A: You can feel his gifts.
142. Q: What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa Claus when she looked at the sky?
A: “Looks like rain, dear.”
143. Q: Why is Santa so good at karate?
A: Because he has a black belt!
144. Q: What kind of bug hates Christmas?
A: A humbug.
145. Q: What do you get when you cross an apple and a Christmas tree?
A pineapple.
146. Q: Which elf was the best singer?
A: ELFis Presley.
147. Q: How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
A: Nothing, it was at the house!
148. Q: What do you call a snowman in summer?
A: A puddle!
149. Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite.
150. Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A: Snowflakes.
